Here's A Trick For Keeping Your Mouth Shut At Your Kids Next Game

posted by Paul Fletcher - 

Suck it up! (See what I did there?)

My Dad had to deal with the overzealous parent and I have friends who deal with it now, plus I've just seen it first hand. It can result in high levels of embarrassment. I'm going to do everything in my power to "not be that guy", including bringing along lollipops.

Hey, wait, maybe I set up lollipop stands at sporting events!

Soccer Mom 101: 1. When your kid’s game begins: sit down. Get cozy. Look down and check your shirt carefully. 2. If your shirt says one of the following words: “Coach” Or “Referee” - feel free - throughout the game- to yell coachy or referee-ish things. If you do not see these words on your shirt: hush, mostly. 3. This will be surprisingly difficult. Especially if one of you is an Olympic Soccer Player and the other one of you is a Bat Shit Crazy Mama Bear Who Truly Believes that Every Ten Year Old Opponent Who Touches Her Daughter’s Jersey Intends To Kill Her Daughter Dead. 4. SO. Since you cannot be trusted: Bring lollipops. Put the pops in your loud obnoxious mouths as soon as you sit down on the sideline. Let the pops serve as a reminder to you that children are dropping out of sports in record numbers - largely because their parents are behaving like asshats on the sidelines in record numbers. Because Things, in general, are less fun to do when bigger people scream at you the entire time you do them. 5. So Let the kids play. Let the coaches coach. Let the refs ref. You parent- which means yell nothing but yay and good hustle and you got this and good idea and maybe the occasional offside! These seem to be soccer evergreen safe things to yell. 5. Bring lollipops for all the other soccer parents. They’ll think you’re sweet but you’re really just quite tricky and wise and forever on the kids’ side. 6. OFFSIDE!!!!!!! #soccermoms

A post shared by Glennon Doyle (@glennondoyle) on


Content Goes Here