When I was around 18 years old, I started to notice grey hair coming in. And it wasn’t like, “Oh look at that! I’ve got a grey hair!”. It was like, “Hey mom, I feel like there’s a lot of grey hair growing in! What’s going on?”
Long story short, for over the last two decades, I’ve been quickly losing the fight over going grey. And, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had a standing hair appointment to cover up the grey every 3 weeks.
Yep, you read that right. Every. Three. Weeks.
Disclaimer: for the record, i totally know this is ‘First World Problems’. I know that I don’t HAVE to go to the salon that often. But, if I wanted to hide the grey, that was the only option.
Here’s the thing-it never occurred to me that I could just let them come in. Why? Because I completely bought in to the idea society drills in that if you have silver, grey or white hair before you’re 50 or 60, people will think you’re old, and ‘gasp’ who will want to be seen around you???
(ok, maybe it wasn’t that dramatic, but it FELT that dramatic)
Fast forward to present day-
My natural hair is almost completely white.
And in contrast to the as-close-to-my-old-natural-color dark brown, it shows up bold and bright and has driven me crazy because it’s hard to hide.
I’ve spent so much money on products to hide the grey. I’ve spent so much time in the salon, desperate to get back to what it’s ‘supposed’ to be.
...you can probably see where I’m going with this...
When I turned 40, I had just lost my mom to an almost 5 year battle with cancer. Things were getting put into perspective pretty quickly. Sweating the small stuff seemed now like a ridiculous waste of precious time. And after stepping back and looking at my hamster-wheel of a cycle of stress around my hair, I finally had an Aha! moment.
Who says I can’t rock white hair?
Why do I care what ‘they’ say anyway?
I can’t let society define me.
And I won’t let my hair define me, either.
I can’t let fear hold me back.
So, if you see me in the next few months, i’m undergoing a hair transformation. Over the weekend, we went from dark brown to blonde.
Next salon visit, we’ll most likely lighten again.
And we’ll just see where my roots take us.
But I can tell you I feel so much lighter (emotionally) already.
I don’t know why, but many of us women are so tightly connected to our hair, and whether we undergo a change due to illness, premature grey, or just a wild streak for wanting something different...I’d just like to offer the mantra that I’ve been quietly whispering to myself this week- ‘My hair does not define me’